D —> That you have chosen to live in something other than what you find ideal does not grant you free rein to throw sarcastic remar% at me
D —> I have begun work on a p001 for my hive
D —> But procuring materials is a grueling process
D —> Human doorways are far too small for me
Your hardship is over installing a fucking pool?
Where’s Pyrope???? I haven’t seen a single Terezi altern8 on this site who actually looks like she’s worth my while.
D —> It is hardly that simple
D —> I have many important affairs to attend to
D —> That you would assume I otherwise is f001ish, considering how well you claim to know me
Oh right, I forgot. You can’t ever 8e happy with anything and fuss over the stupidest shit imagina8le, so it’s not really a wonder as to why you’d manage to find trou8le in paradise. Sorry, it’s 8een a while!
What ails you.
D —> Quiet, mostly
D —> Contrary to your assumption I have not lived in a post-apocalyptic gala%y
D —> I reside on Earth with my matesprit and moirail
D —> This only began after a
D —> Rather lengthy period of being confined to the void
Well, isn’t that just swell. Another pony 8oy staying golden in the r8dient joy 8eams of Earth’s disgustingly dim sun. Fantastic. Can’t w8 for that.
So, what, you’re just living the life down there with your m8sprit and moirail without a care in the world????????
D —> Then you should have no difficulty choosing something
You’re such an incredi8le convers8ion partner, you know that? I can’t imagine why I’d ever drop contact with you entirely, ever.
Fine. Let’s talk a8out how I’ve 8een, which is generally shitty. Have you ever lived in a post-apocalyptic galaxy? The answer is yes, you have. 8ut your altern8 was smart enough to flee while he could instead of rotting away here for the sake of nostalgia, like myself. He’s pro8a8ly living the life down on Earth 8ut I can’t 8e 8othered to confirm that for myself 8ecause I really don’t care. Earth sucks!!!!!!!! Hopefully there’ll 8e one of those rumored zom8ie takeovers and the undead human race will rise up and eat him along with everyone else from our timeline that ran down there instead of 8aring their teeth against the harsh circumstances of inha8iting a dead planet.
And I guess that’s all I have to say a8out that.
D —> Anything else
D —> Something that does not focus on my perceived habits
D —> Or sweat
Yeah, that really narrows it down.
D —> No
D —> It would be best, I think, if we moved onto another subject
D —> Mostly because I do not care to di%uss this one any longer
D —> I can say you have trampled it into the ground with your bizarrely STRONG bitterness
Ease up. I’m speaking as a new8ie to the world of 8logging. A very, very, very, very unimpressed new8ie.
So fine then, Muscle Milk. If not to discuss my experiences thus far on this 8izarre excuse for social networking, then what????
SORRY, WRONG ANSWER. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 BEETLES, YOU REPREHENSIBLE NUBSLURP. YOU LOSE, WHICH ISN’T REALLY SURPRISING TO ANYONE BUT YOUR OWN INFLATED EGO, SO I’LL GIVE YOU A MINUTE HERE TO GO CRY GUMMY BLUE TEARS OR WHATEVER. GO ON, I’LL WAIT.
BEFORE I CONTINUE, LET ME FURTHER CEMENT THE FUCKING POINT WE’VE BEEN ILLUSTRATING THE ENTIRE TIME WE’VE HAD THIS POINTLESS CONVERSATION:
WE ARE NOT FROM THE SAME TIMELINE. I COULD HAPPILY DRILL A HOLE THROUGH YOUR CRANIAL PLATES AND BLAST THAT LITTLE FACTOID STRAIGHT INTO YOUR THINKPAN IN THE HOPES THAT YOU EVEN MANAGE TO ABSORB ONE WORD OF IT, BUT FROM THE LOOKS OF THINGS THAT MIGHT JUST BE IN VAIN. WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING MAKE AT LEAST THE SLIGHTEST ATTEMPT TO KEEP THIS IN MIND FOR THE REST OF THIS LITTLE CHAT??
YES. YES, I AM, BECAUSE I WAS HOPING THAT I’D MANAGE TO ACTUALLY GET THE GODDAMNED POINT ACROSS, BUT IT SURE LOOKS LIKE I’M THE GULLIBLE ONE THERE. TOO BAD, I’LL BE SURE TO FIND TIME TO ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK LATER ON.
LET’S TRY AND REMEMBER THAT LITTLE DITTY I’M WORKING ON INGRAINING INTO YOUR SPONGES, OK? REPEAT AFTER ME. WE ARE NOT. FROM THE SAME FUCKING TIMELINE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE GOING ON ABOUT FOR A LOT OF THAT, AND THAT’S THE POINT. HERE’S A LITTLE NUGGET THAT YOU PROBABLY HAVEN’T PICKED UP ON, AND YOU HAVEN’T PICKED UP ON THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE OBTUSE AS HELL: I NEVER EVEN PLAYED THAT GAME. I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE THAT ALTERNATE TIMELINES WERE A FEASIBLE THING AND THAT ANYONE WHO PUT STOCK IN IT WASN’T GIBBERING CRAZY UNTIL I ACTUALLY STARTED SPEAKING TO ALIENS AND ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF ME AND BASICALLY PEOPLE WHO KNEW ALL ABOUT ME. KEEPING THIS IN MIND, IN MY TIMELINE YOU BASICALLY JUST MURDERED A MEGIDO WHO WAS FAR FROM BEING A GHOST, AND CRIPPLED A FEW OTHER TROLLS, SO IT WAS NICE KNOWING NITRAM AFTER HE GETS CULLED FOR INFIRMITY. HELL, HE MIGHT HAVE ALREADY, I HAVEN’T SPOKEN TO HIM IN A WHILE. WHO KNOWS.
SO, HERE, GIVE A GO AT SEEING THIS FROM MY POINT OF VIEW. THAT WAS, JUST LIKE YOUR SHITTY LITTLE ATTEMPT AT HUMOR, A WAY OF SHOWING HOW JUDGING YOUR BATSHIT UP THE FUCKING BELFRY ASS BASED ON WHAT HAPPENED IN *MY TIMELINE* IS BULLSHIT, AND HOW IT’S FUNNY THAT YOU’VE BEEN CLAIMING THAT SAME THING BUT TURNING AROUND AND DOING IT. IN MY TIMELINE, YOU MURDERED HOWEVER MANY TROLLS AND CRIPPLED HOWEVER MANY OTHERS, SEVERAL OF WHICH WERE FRIENDS OF MINE OR THEIR FRIENDS, I GUESS. THEN, MY TIMELINE YOU STARTED HANGING OUT WITH ONLY A FEW OF THE FRIENDS I HAVE LEFT ALIVE, ON-PLANET, AND IN CONTACT WITH, SO I’M GENERALLY PRETTY ALARMED AT HER ENTIRE EXISTENCE RIGHT NOW. THIS IS MY POINT OF VIEW, AND HOW THAT AFFECTS ME, TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION. WOOPTY FUCKING DOO.
OKAY, COMPLETELY IGNORING THAT THE ONLY COLOR SCHEME I HAVE OUT IN THE OPEN IS MY BLOG THEME, AND THAT INCLUDES SUCH COLORS AS: ROYAL PURPLE. BEIGE. GREY. LIGHT GREEN. RED. BLACK. BROWN. YEAH, YOU CAUGHT ME, I’VE GOT A FLORESCENT MULTICOLORED BULGE TATTOO THAT I’VE BEEN WORKING SO FUCKING HARD TO HIDE. WHAT A SCANDAL! I CAN’T BELIEVE EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT, WHAT HAVE MY ALTERNATES BEEN DOING?
NOBODY IN MY TIMELINE WHO ISN’T DEAD OR GONE KNOWS ABOUT WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE GOING ON ABOUT, ANYWAY, AND THAT’S KIND OF HOW I LIKE IT. BUT, REMEMBER THE FUCKING MANTRA: WE. ARE. NOT. FROM. THE SAME. BROKEN. TIMELINE. MAYBE YOU’LL GET IT THIS TIME! I DON’T KNOW ABOUT HALF OF THE PEOPLE OR PLACES YOU’RE SPEAKING OF, I’M STILL NESTLED FONDLY ON AN ALTERNIA WHERE THINGS LIKE WHATEVER IT IS YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT WILL, IN FACT, KILL ME. WOW! WOW. WHO COULD IMAGINE THAT I’M JUST NOT CONCERNED ABOUT MY PUBLIC IMAGE??
Alright shit-for-pans, listen up and listen good.
Very o8viously you aren’t from my timeline, provided that there are literally thousands of extended universes 8ranched from every action we did or didn’t take, so the pro8a8ility of me ever finding my own Vantas is a8out 1 in 3.43594308349085, let alone on a fucking 8logging we8site.
The presence of a shared timeline 8etween us is irrelevant. Now you know my story and how all the 8ad I’ve done shifted to 8e more 8eneficial than anything the rest of you assholes could have conjured up 8y the skin of your teeth to save our hinds on that meteor. Except not you in particular, as you are oh so adamant on “drilling a hole through my cranial pl8tes and 8lasting that little ditty into my thinkpan” that we’re not from the same timeline that I feel I now have to mention it regarding every piece of schoolfeeding I personally nail into your head a8out my own universe. My own, 8y the way, not yours. 8ecause we’re not from the same timeline. Just in case you didn’t catch on.
Anyway (not from the same timeline), since we’re not from the same timeline (not from), I feel it’s (the same timeline) important to keep you informed on the goings-a8out of the Alternia I live on and the one you don’t, 8ecause we’re pro8a8ly not from the same universe, you and I. Weird, huh? So, since you didn’t play the game 8ut I did, 8ecause we’re not from the same universe, you should know that our entire planet—“our” 8eing the royal our, 8ecause you and me do NOT come from the same timeline—was destroyed when the Rift’s Car8uncle released the dreaded vast glu8 and everyone in the galaxy was killed except for those who escaped into the Medium (a realm loc8ted in the Incipisphere, 8ut you don’t know a8out that 8ecause we’re not from the same timeline), 8eing all of us except for Sollux, 8ecause on the very, very, very, veeeeeeeery long line of things you royally fucked up, saving him was one of them. Don’t worry. He came 8ack l8ter.
8ack to the point, when the game was finally done with, the twelve of us, including those who respectfully died within the game, were resurrected on the desol8 planet known as Alternia where we now live in a post-apocalyptic universe. And though we are a self-sufficient race, living freely is a foreign concept. No hemospectrum to a8ide 8y, no laws, no people, no empress to 8e found, assuming she a8sconded to rule another universe. With nothing to gain from it and little to live on despite the mounds of dead 8odies and all their untouched loot lying around, over half of our crew fled to Earth, which I’m sure you’ve heard a8out 8ut have yet to understand that we’re the cre8tors 8ehind it. Seeing as that occurrence is mostly shared 8etween timelines, a majority of the trolls now reside on Earth peacefully amongst humans, where 8lood color does, indeed, not matter.
So, on the off chance I’d happen to come across a Vantas who derives from the very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY rare timeline where the game has 8een either su8sided or never discovered in the first place, let alone one as fucked up as yours, I’d never assume it’d 8e on a 8logging we8site designed 8Y humans, who we cre8ted (8ut not you 8ecause different timelines) and otherwise should not exist in your universe unless you did play the game, so pardon the fuck out of me for supposing that may8e you’d 8e part of the majority to 8e reveling in the gifts the species we gener8ted have come to offer us over the 8illions of years of their existence. Yeah, so sorry a8out that.
My grandiose point in all of this is that I don’t like to 8e compared to my altern8s. In fact, I h8te it, and I know you do, too. Or may8e you don’t? Who knows what the hell kind of personality swaps went down in your universe that I am NOT from, 8ut as it happens, you do tend to h8te yourself more than the rest of us h8te you, so I thought I’d 8ring a8out a little joke on that instance to further grind the dirt into the wound. Way to 8e. Another joke that I have to explain 8ecause no8ody gets good humor, therefore rending it to 8e horri8ly unfunny. Siiiiiiiigh.
Just not my lucky day!!!!!!!!
D —> If it is any consolation
D —> I am certain they loathe you as much as you do them
D —> Those with the colored plant tiaras make a point of placing them on every pi%ure they can find
D —> Perhaps in protest of their absence
D —> I would defend my alternates, but I am certain they can do that for themselves
D —> That you assume we only speak about hoofbeasts belies the fact that you have not been listening, anyway
D —> Which is unsurprising
Oh yeah. Gr8 consol8ion. I feel much 8etter now, thank you, really. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Trust me, I’ve 8een listening to your loq8cious ram8lings for nine sweeps too long a8out the fine art of muscle8easts and the very, VERY detailed explan8ions of fluids secreted through their udders when they lact8te (fucking gross!!!!!!!!) that I did not ask for 8ut listened intently to, me 8eing so gracious and all, hoping one day, just one day you’d reach your end and finally shut the fuck up a8out it. 8ut alas, we’ve yet to see the light of that day, and I’m a8out ready to stick a fork in my wind chute if I have to hear anything more a8out the elabor8 anatomy of a 8ovid’s hindquarters.
So, yeah, I know a little thing or two a8out your ver8osity on the su8ject. And I get it! It’s one of your interests and pro8a8ly the only nota8le thing a8out you past your uncanny a8ility to work a wrench that I oh so envy and the disgusting sweating thing aforementioned, so I understand if it’s a commonly discussed topic. 8ut I know you, Zahhak. Or at least your altern8. 8eing neigh8ors for our whole lives really rakes in the deal of getting to know you on means I don’t care for, and there’s a lot more to you than your sticky skin and mechanical proficiency than I’m not all up for delving into right now, yet I don’t see any of that shining through a single one of your altern8s. Congratul8ions, you’re a sole survivor. Want a prize????????